Pretty recently I went through a tough break-up. Luckily, I had close friends and family to offer me love, support, and of course, advice. Something that I heard a lot from people was the line “It’s okay not to be okay”. And don’t get me wrong, I really do think this is great advice. However, it’s interesting to notice how long it takes for people to assume you’re fine without checking in; for me, it was about five weeks. Now, I don’t believe that anyone stopped asking if I was okay on purpose, I just think that time passed and people assumed I was doing just fine. But see, the thing is, most people take about half of the length of the relationship to fully get over a break-up. Based on that statistic, I wouldn’t have really been okay for 9 months. So why do we tell people that it’s okay not to be okay, but give an unrealistic time frame for them to become okay again within?
I think the answer to this question can be seen by looking at a common cycle. Immediately following a hardship like a break-up, we check in frequently with the person being affected. After some time passes, we opt not to bring up the situation for fear that we will bring up old feelings in a healing person. But see, by not bringing up the issue or checking in with the person, we only make matters worse. Even after some time passes, the person who was hurt is most likely still hurting. However, they may not want to constantly bring up their issues to others for fear that they will be an annoyance. By not bringing the issues up and putting on the facade that everything is fine, others believe they don’t need to ask how the person is doing, and the cycle progresses.
There is a solution that can break the cycle, and it’s really rather simple; ask people if they are okay, even if some time has passed. I guarantee that regardless if the person is actually okay or not, the fact that you cared enough to ask will mean the world to them. All of us have our own issues that we deal with day in and day out; simply asking others if they are okay every now and then can make a big difference in everyone’s lives. And if someone says that they aren’t okay, be there to talk things out with them. Being there to listen can truly be a blessing for a healing person. If I’ve learned anything in the past few months, it’s that sometimes you just need someone who will listen to every little thought thats been running through your mind because if you bottle it up inside any longer, your thoughts just might kill you.
My first piece of advice is to be there for others; talk to them, ask them if they are okay, remind them that they do matter. My other piece of advice is that you should open up to others if you are going through a tough time; no matter the scope of your problems, they do matter, and you do deserve to be heard. Please remember that it really is okay not be okay, and that you can take as much time as you need to heal. Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, you will become okay again; it might not be today or tomorrow, but the time will come, I promise. “Open those eyes there’s so much around you, and give this world a chance to save you” -R.M Drake. Be someone’s world, but also let the world save you if you are the one who needs saving. Please.
XOXO, Chloe
Stylish and Starving at Twenty Something
Stylish and Starving At Twenty-Something 