For me, 2016 could have been over a long time ago and I would have been grateful. It was a year that was uncharacteristically difficult in my personal life, and it was also a year that sucked for the world. I won’t deny that there were some good things that happened, however sometimes when I would try to look for the good, I felt like I was clinging to anything that I could possibly grasp; in comparison to the bad, the good just seemed so insignificant. I don’t know if I’ve finished processing all that happened in 2016, and I think that learning from the bad experiences and being strengthened by them will continue for years to come as I process why certain events happened. But I guess that the best way to understand the past is to reflect on it, and I hope that by writing about what I have learned, maybe I can discover more. And I sure hope that 2017 will be much better.
The best way that I can describe my 2016 is that it started by knocking me over, and every time I tried getting back up again, I was pushed back down. So honestly, all I’m looking for in 2017 is to be able to stand on my own two feet. My dad losing his job and an unforeseen breakup was how I began the year. These events were followed by discovering that my grandma had cancer and my dog had congestive heart failure. I spent most of spring semester getting over heartbreak, and just trying to make it through to summer. During the summer, things got a little better, but towards the end I spent every day worrying that I wouldn’t get much more time with my dog. Fall came, and I thought that maybe the new school year would bring more positivity to my life; instead, things got worse. Being heavily invested in her campaign, Hillary Clinton’s loss felt like a personal one. Additionally, my dog had to be put down without my being able to say goodbye to her, and my grandma also passed away from the cancer. In retrospect, 2016 was a year of great loss, and loss isn’t really something that I have dealt with much before, which made it even more difficult for me to process everything.
While my personal life was marked with pretty large losses, I can’t deny that there were rays of sunshine every once in a while. The biggest highlight of my year by far was seeing Beyonce in concert; I may have cried five times, but they were definitely tears of joy. Both of my parents also got new jobs this year, which was another positive note. I gained the courage to begin my own blog, which is something that I am so happy that I chose to pursue (thanks for reading it, ily). I also got elected to serve as Chapter President for my sorority, and although my term does not begin until 2017, it definitely gave me hope, and it became something to look forward to. I also recognize that overall, I am lucky. I have wonderful friends in my life who love and support me. I have amazing parents who encourage me to pursue my passions, and believe that I am truly capable of anything. I get to attend college and dance every day, and I am even in the process of becoming a certified yoga teacher. Although the small victories may have seemed insignificant at times, I do think that they are what helped me get through 2016.
If I’ve learned anything this year, it’s that you have a choice about how you look at your life. You can choose to focus only on the negative things, you can choose to focus only on the positive things, or you can choose to recognize both. We all have days where we just want to focus on the bad things, and that’s okay (God knows I had plenty of those days this year). But really what’s best for us, is to recognize all that is going on in our lives; there is space for both the good and the bad if we let ourselves recognize it. One day, when I was in a rather bitter mood, I decided to make a list on my phone of all the crappy things that had happened to me in 2016. Once it was complete, I looked it over, and I cried. But then I realized that looking at the shitty things I had gone through wasn’t going to make them unhappen, and it wasn’t going to make me feel any better. So below the list of bad things, I made a list of good things. The list of good things took me a lot longer to write, and there were significantly less things on the list, but I will say that writing it made me feel better. It made me feel proud that even in a state of negativity, I could still recognize that my life wasn’t all bad.
I found a piece of writing near the middle of 2016, and it was something that really stuck me. It’s a poem by Rupi Kaur, and it reads as follows:
Now in reading it, I don’t think that I have learned everything that 2016 was meant to teach me. I think that I still need time for reflection. I need time to understand why things happened the way that they did. But I do think that my year has changed me as a person; it has made me more independent, it has made me more appreciative of the little things, and it has made me realize that life involves change, and you have to be ready for it whether you like it or not. I know that I am still healing from many things that happened this year. Some of them came full circle for the better, such as my dad losing his job, and then getting a new one. Others, came full circle for the worse, such as my dog being diagnosed with congestive heart failure and then having to be put down. And still some events gave me no closure, especially my breakup. But as I am healing, I am growing. I am becoming a stronger individual; I am becoming all that I am meant to be, and more.
So as much as I hated 2016 and I don’t think that I will ever come to appreciate it wholly, I can at least look forward towards 2017 with the hope that it will bring a bigger and brighter future. I look forward to 2017 hoping that I will continue to find myself and grow. I look forward to 2017 hoping that I will learn from the past. And I look forward to 2017 knowing that I deserve to be happy, and I hope that 2017 is a year of pure happiness. As C.S. Lewis said, “There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.”
Goodbye 2016; you were not that great, and not very fun, but you did make me resilient, so I thank you for that. And on that note, hello 2017!
XOXO, Chloe
Stylish and Starving at Twenty Something
Sending my love to my grandmother, Margaret Sekhran, and my little bugaboo, Daisy. I miss you both dearly, may you rest in peace.
Stylish and Starving At Twenty-Something 